Behaviors your Kids Will Imitate

Kids learn by example.  It's a simple fact of life.  When they see you writing thank you notes for gifts, driving defensively, keeping your cool under pressure, or problem solving calmly with your spouse, they learn.  They can see a positive way to deal with the situation in question; and when they see others behaving poorly, they'll think, "I know how to do that better."

Unfortunately, no parent is perfect.  You're not going to do everything just right, all the time, and that means that sometimes your kids are going to see a bad example in your behavior.  What can you do?  First and foremost: talk.  If you've realized you've made a mistake, talk to your kids and let them know that you did something wrong.  This turns a bad example into a good one: your child sees you analyze your own behavior and take steps to fix what's wrong.

Here are some behaviors to watch out for in yourself or your kids.  If your kids have any of these behaviors, ask yourself where they might have learned them.  And if it's you...take responsibility!

Boy Almost Suspended Over Lego Gun

I came across this little gem of a story a few days ago: a 9 year-old boy narrowly avoided suspension after he and some friends brought some Lego toys to school and his Lego man had a gun.  Give me a break.

This is absolutely ridiculous!  The boys were even sharing the toys at an appropriate time: during lunch at the cafeteria table.  Apparently the threat of suspension was removed after a meeting with the boy's mother, which isn't all that surprising; I hope she gave that principal a piece of her mind.  The mother was even quoted as being confused why her child was targeted: another boy had a Lego man that was brandishing an axe.

Will Kids Imitate Adults Behaving Badly?

People who live in a haze of self-importance will do some truly shocking things in public purely out of feeling entitled.  And, as you may suspect if you have read my blog before, I have a story of such a self-important individual.

Unfortunately, the person I observed had a child with them.  That always makes it worse.  Whenever I see adults behaving badly, I glance around for children.  Will seeing adults behave poorly affect them?  Will it make them think being rude is ok?  I think I have an answer.

Your Children Reflect You: Apologies

Every parent wants to see their child to grow up to be a "good person."  What this means, exactly, varies slightly from one culture, family and individual to another, but I would think that every parent would want their child to be able to develop deep, lasting relationships with other people.

In order to maintain a healthy relationship with a friend, family member or significant other in the long run, children need to learn how to apologize.  The reality is that things go wrong and people make mistakes; handling them in a sensitive, caring way is what makes the difference in a relationship.

Just like learning good manners, children learn to feel comfortable with apologies when they have seen them and been exposed to them on a regular basis.  And that brings me to a sticky question: when is the last time your kids heard or saw you apologize?

Kids and the Internet: Please Respond

I was paging through some magazines yesterday and I came across two separate references to negative affects of the internet on children.  The first asserted that too many "gadgets" in the classroom have led to kids not having any manners; the second, from a teacher, claimed that because of internet and TV, children don't get enough practice in resolving their own conflicts and end up tattling to the teacher.

Now hold on just a minute.  I'll be the first to stand up and say that the prospect of raising children in a time of such rapid technological change is terrifying.  We don't yet know all the effects that growing up with internet and TV may have; we can be fairly certain that increased obesity is one of them.  But that's not my point here.  You can't just hop on the technology-blaming bandwagon to explain away childish behaviors.