To Stop Bad Behavior, Stop Reinforcing It

The other day at work, my husband saw a child with his father who was engaging in a common act of very poor behavior: he was saying, "Dad.  Dad.  Dad.  Dad," over and over while his father talked with another adult.  We've all seen this, been on the receiving end of it and probably on the giving end as well.

Then the boy upped the ante.  Tired of chanting, he punched his dad's leg as hard as he could.

The father's reaction?  He promptly turned around and said, "Yes, son?" as though nothing strange had happened at all.

There are a couple of things at work here, and therefore a couple of ways to stop the bad behavior all around.

Debate on Discipline

Reading up on parenting ideas, I came across this debate on the Genius Child Program blog.  The question presented is whether or not a parent should have to reason with a child to get them to obey.  As I began to read the responses, I was largely disappointed.  The majority of parents gave a simple, black-or-white answer that their child should always simply obey.  That no matter what the circumstance, if their child doesn't listen, they get punished.  That the parent, as an authority, must maintain their authority by demanding blind obedience.

How disappointing!  Let me ask every parent and teacher to look back at your own childhood.  Do you remember your frustration with parents, teachers or coaches who never listened to you?  These people did not show you any respect, and they probably didn't get much of yours.  They were tyrants.

On the other hand, we have all also experienced a parent, teacher or boss who had no authority.  They allowed their homes, classrooms or workplaces to deteriorate into anarchy.  They were walked-on and taken advantage of.

What's a parent to do with these two extremes?  Find the golden mean.

Your Children Reflect You: Apologies

Every parent wants to see their child to grow up to be a "good person."  What this means, exactly, varies slightly from one culture, family and individual to another, but I would think that every parent would want their child to be able to develop deep, lasting relationships with other people.

In order to maintain a healthy relationship with a friend, family member or significant other in the long run, children need to learn how to apologize.  The reality is that things go wrong and people make mistakes; handling them in a sensitive, caring way is what makes the difference in a relationship.

Just like learning good manners, children learn to feel comfortable with apologies when they have seen them and been exposed to them on a regular basis.  And that brings me to a sticky question: when is the last time your kids heard or saw you apologize?

Answering Tough Questions

Every parent will have that moment: a very private question asked at the worst time, or a question they didn't expect to answer until years down the road asked casually at the dinner table.  Whether the question is the legendary "where do babies come from?" or the heart-wrenching "is Santa real?", parents have to take a deep breath. 

Follow the link for a few tips for dealing with that moment in a way that's good for you and your child. 

Making Thanksgiving Travels Memorable, In a Good Way!

Many families will pile into cars this week and throughout the holiday season to make the trek to visit grandma and grandpa, aunts and uncles, cousins and friends.  Whether your trip is an hour or three days long, it can be a powerful time to bond with your family.  Don't let those lovely, silent, closed-in hours slip away in monotony!  Put away the iPods and headphones, stash the cheap romance novel, turn off the built-in DVD player and talk to your kids and spouse.

A little out of practice?  A lot of us are.  But car trips with my family during the holidays always brought us closer in the end, and we all learned a lot about each other.  Try out some of these tips if you're stuck.