Debate on Discipline

Reading up on parenting ideas, I came across this debate on the Genius Child Program blog.  The question presented is whether or not a parent should have to reason with a child to get them to obey.  As I began to read the responses, I was largely disappointed.  The majority of parents gave a simple, black-or-white answer that their child should always simply obey.  That no matter what the circumstance, if their child doesn't listen, they get punished.  That the parent, as an authority, must maintain their authority by demanding blind obedience.

How disappointing!  Let me ask every parent and teacher to look back at your own childhood.  Do you remember your frustration with parents, teachers or coaches who never listened to you?  These people did not show you any respect, and they probably didn't get much of yours.  They were tyrants.

On the other hand, we have all also experienced a parent, teacher or boss who had no authority.  They allowed their homes, classrooms or workplaces to deteriorate into anarchy.  They were walked-on and taken advantage of.

What's a parent to do with these two extremes?  Find the golden mean.

Don't Make Your Kids Behave: Help Them Behave

This great article by John Hoffman restates an obvious, but often overlooked, truth in dealing with children: telling them to behave isn't nearly as effective as helping them behave.  Every teacher and every parent has found themself in the position of sounding like a broken record when dealing with the kids in their care.  Telling a young child to wait, clean up or sit still is a enormous, sometimes impossible, request.  But, especially under the pressure of being in public, parents and teachers seem to expect their charges to develop these abilities unassisted.

The next time you're in the checkout line at the grocery store and your little ones start to misbehave, distract them with a game.  Reach out and take their hand.  Talk about the things you see around you, or what you'll do once you leave the store.  Let's face it: the checkout line is boring.  A bored child is going to find a way to entertain himself, and not necessarily in a way you'll like.

Lessons From the Dog Whisperer

I'm a huge fan of Cesar Millan, the "Dog Whisperer" of TV and literary fame, so I was thrilled to discover that some parents are using his lessons on children as well as animals.  Seem a little odd?  The heart of Millan's message is that "exercise, discipline and affection" will make for a healthy, happy dog, when paired with an owner who has "calm, assertive" energy.